A day of remembering those gone before us. Especially those who gave their lives in the service of our freedom. A day to feel sad? not yet anyway. Not surprising I dreamed of Doug again, I got to hold him for a minute and he felt like Andy or Matt the younger, slimmer Doug. It was wonderful. Dean Driscoll and Jim Fisher were both in the dream too strange the things you dream about. Dean died right about the time Jillian was born, Jim, July 5, after Doug.

With Dad in the hospital I am sure there are tons of memories evoked I am not even aware of and it's ok. While he was in ER getting all his meds checked, doing heart readouts, administering meds through IV's, the heart 'tabs' they stick all over your body, listening to the pulse in his feet - all that stuff is so clear to me being through it many times before. I kinda felt empowered the other night to take charge and go into the room with Dad and Mom. I thought, let them kick me out, I didn't think they would but I wanted to be there for support for both of them and I always felt empowered when there was another person there, it gave me the courage and the right to speak up or question or to just talk with the nurses or Drs. I used to think they are the ones in charge they know all the answers, now I know they are just people like me doing their jobs hopefully the best they can, doing what they have been trained to do and that this is not their life but their job. I am not sure any of this is making sense but it does to me and I want to write this down while it's fresh in my brain.

Anyway . . . Dad is doing great. Mom said he has been doing a lot of walking this morning and it's nothing like when they are in Arizona, which means to me that there is no slowing down or stopping because of discomfort or pain His glasses have gone missing - Mom said someone else is missing their upper plate (teeth) yikes! sounds to me there may be a 'roamer' in the halls 'collecting' things sigh

The other night while we were waiting for Dad during his procedure Tricia started praying out loud which really helped me focus, I know that sounds weird that I was just not right there but, I had just flown to the hospital from graduation, which after Ash crossed the stage and we did the wave see Sheila's blog - I headed out and got to the hospital as quickly as I could. I was so frustrated at graduation at the rudeness of the people up behind the seats talking all loud and being obnoxious, one person was standing at the top of the stairs to our section talking on the phone - seriously? sheesh! It was hard to hear the speakers as it was, the ice arena is not a good place for a graduation anyways but come on people show a little bit of regard for all of us in the seats trying to listen! I was so annoyed with so much disrespect going on all around me, then getting to the hospital and no one knew what was going on arrrgggg and I didn't know where Dad and Mom were and . . . ok I am just going to say it here I don't like St Luke's at all either, so to be there was really annoying to me as well. The waiting room was full of people and I didn't know what was going on! So when Mom came out to talk to us I was relieved to know what was happening and what the plan was. So that's why when she went to go back I went with here - like it or not here I come was my attitude (imagine that!) . . . all of that to say where my heart and what my mood was like when Tricia started to pray. I was thankful for the time to take a deep breath and get my focus on Jesus. My mind and feelings were all over the place, and I kept thinking about how Mom had said when Dad had this procedure done (it was scheduled for Tuesday) she didn't want to sit and visit she wanted to sit by herself and pray - well with so many people in the waiting room that was not happening - Tricia was trying and we did pray and she led out in song, my heart was singing, but my voice was quiet, when the song she was singing went on with a chorus/tag line I was not familiar with, she paused and asked how does that go? I said I don't know that part, I felt badly because she was trying and I was not helping.

The nurse came out and gave us an update, Brent came then Sheila and Matt came and getting everyone settled in and caught up with what was the latest news then Tricia asked if I could lead us in a worship song. I got nothin' is what I thought and it was very strange for me because usually there is a song playing in my head but as I sat there I had none. If someone could have suggested one I think I could have done that but . . . then she asked Sheila and she didn't have her guitar but she had nothin' either - very strange but the reality of our emotions being all over the place that day and evening. From being so proud and anxious for graduation, all the stress in just getting to that day, having Mom text me early Saturday morning saying, if your dad goes to the hospital in the night do you want me to call you? WHAT??? to getting a call from Mom (she never calls!) while I am sitting at graduation - what do I do, Dad will be in good hands at the hospital, Ashleigh is graduating, my Dad is going to the hospital is this going to be it? Ashleigh is graduating . . . was a mess of emotions. I am not sure but I think Sheila was dealing with the same.

I was fine till I told Sheila I was leaving and hugged her on the way out. The reality of what I may be faced with when I got to the hospital really hit me and I started to cry but knew i had to keep moving and get there. I flew out of there literally, walking though all the crowd of people milling around on the upper floor being loud and disrespectful, going through the doors of the ice arena out into the cold night air then running the long way to where my truck was parked, hearing the sounds from the ball game - so strange.

I am thankful to God today for Dad being so good. The Dr put a stent into the bi pass that was blocked and the pain stopped and Dad feels great. He will probably get home today. Yesterday after church I stopped up to see him and I was the only one there, it was nice to get some alone time with him and hear about his night and what the dr had said. Mom had gone home to get her meds and after a little while she came back. They moved Dad from CCU down to 3rd floor and after he got settled in his cousin Duke and son Terry came to see Dad. It was fun listening to them reminisce about when they were young and their shenanigans, there was lots of laughs and good memories, that was nice. Dad kicked them out ha! he was getting tired so asked them to leave so he could take a nap so Mom and I left too.

We went to Synclair's graduation party and enjoyed some good food (I hadn't eaten all day),got to see Carolyn, Synclair of course, Trace and  Keshawn, my my has he gotten tall!  got to see Scott and Dee Dee's new grandson, sat and talked with Aunt Barbara, met Synclair and Trace's dad, and talked with Cindy quite a bit. It was a nice time. Dyane was so happy we came, so was I. I was planning to go by myself but happy Mom went too. Mice to see family. After we were finished Mom went back to the hospital and I came on home. Andy needed to go take the deposit to the bank and go to the Blairs Ferry road store and get a box of eggs finally I got to come home! I needed to go to the store but didn't have any gumption so changed my clothes and walked to Kum and God for milk and eggs, I put stuff in the bread machine and made a batch of dough and ended up making rolls. Matt's boys came about 7:30 they spent the night and will be here today since he is working. 

I got to bed about 11 and slept till 8 am hooray! I slept with ear plugs in because Andy had to open today and I din't want to be awake at 4:30. When I looked at the clock and saw it was 8 I was so happy, and got up because I knew the boys would be hungry! 

So that's my day thus far . . .

I want to get this blogged before I forget it. . .

I stayed up a little later than I had intended just because, and was in bed trying to go to sleep when Andy came home from work on Saturday night. He came to my door, paused, then went on upstairs a tiny bit later he came back down and came into my room and said he had a really bad headache. I prayed for him and he said he had never had a headache like this before. I asked him if he had taken anything and he said yes but the tylenol was not touching it. I told him to lay down on my bed and I went to get him a cold pack. As he lay there, he kept moaning and telling me he was scared, so I prayed more. 

I got back into bed and just lay there shaking and fear was trying to envelope me, I was not about to give in to that! I asked him if he thought we should go to the emergency room he said I am not sure . . . I asked him again a few minutes later and he said, it's not going away I think we should. So I told him I would get dressed and we headed to Mercy Hospital.

The whole thing was so unreal, driving at almost 1 am the route I take every day to work with Andy sitting next to me in such pain. I was thanking God for whatever He had for us when we would get to the hospital and for never forsaking us.

When we got to the ER we had to wait for a bit for the receptionist to return to her desk, Andy just took a seat and I stood waiting. There was only one person there, other than the security person who told us where to go. It was really quiet which I was glad for. Soon the receptionist was back and we got him all check in. A nurse came and got all of his vitals and information as to what was going on and asked Andy if the light hurt his head and when he said yes, she said she would take us back to a dark room.

It was so weird walking through the ER I was really thankful that it has changed a lot from the other times I had been there because it wasn't so bad being there. We got into the room and Andy got into a gown (yipee) and a nurse practitioner came in almost immediately which I was thankful for. She reminded me of Jennifer Aniston I thought how strange that she should remind me so much of her but thankful for the distraction as Andy was in so much pain. He had shared with me before we left home that he had looked on the internet about headaches like this and it could be a bacteria eating his brain - great, no wonder he was scared! Anyways Jennifer er I mean Mackenzie set to work checking him out. She told me everything was normal and they would start an IV drip and administer meds through that and he should be feeling better.

She left and a little later the nurse came in to start the IV. Andy told her he didn't mind needles but he didn't like pain. When she started looking for a vein all I could think of was when Doug would have to have IV's and the trouble they ALWAYS had getting them started ugh! The first attempt failed but Andy didn't realize that so when she tried the second time he yelled OW and all I could think of was they needed Andy's "OW" for that ear plunger commercial (I can't think of what it's called). The nurse apologized and told him she should have warned him before the stick - uhhh ya think? Andy was really gracious and chatting with the nurse but in such obvious pain I felt so bad for him. He held onto my hand and kept checking to make sure I was still there. Funny how he seemed like such a little boy - when did he grow up?  insert huge sigh here.

After all the meds were given she said she would check back in about 20 min to see if the meds were working. Andy seemed pretty good then all of a sudden another wave of pain hit and he was really moaning and asking where is she? why doesn't she come? where is she? Finally I called and after what seemed like a very long time Mackenzie came back and asked how he was doing. I told her not good and explained how the waves of pain were hitting and he would hold the left side of his face and moan really bad. She said she really didn't believe there was anything deeper going on since all of his vitals were good but let me go check on another medicine and with that she went out. Andy by this time had turned his head so the left side of his face was on the pillow, he had not been able to do that up till this point, and went to sleep. He slept for about ten minutes before she came back in and said, how is he, I told her sleeping she said, that's strange but convinced her it was a migraine and said she would check back in a few minutes.

Andy slept for about 40 minutes Praise God! I knew once he slept he was going to be ok. When she came back and saw him still sleeping she asked if I was comfortable taking him home, yes, I told her so she told me what to watch for and bring him back if any of these things happened. She did not see any need for x rays or CT scan which I was really thankful for! A  bit later Andy woke up and said he had to go to the bathroom so the nurse came and got him unhooked from his IV so he could go and went to get his release papers. When he came back we got ready and came home.

He was so hungry when he got home he grabbed two pieces of bread and ate them. Well, that started him to throw up! sheesh . . . finally when he got it all up I got him settled on the couch with a bucket and a warm blanket because he was freezing - prolly from the IV and told him to call me if he needed me. It was 4:35 when I got back to bed.

Needless to say it was a long night, I didn't even try to get up for church this gal needed to sleep. I felt bad about missing but knew I just couldn't.

Two things stick out in my mind about that night - 1 Andy's fingernails look just like Doug's & 2 I wonder how many times I have heard the sound of a blood pressure cuff 

after all You are constant

after all You are only good

after all You are sovereign

not for a moment will You forsake me!

I woke up at a little after 6 and just relaxed in bed. I didn't have to be up for anything so thought I might as well just lay here. I turned on my Kindle to listen to Meredith Andrews oh how I love that CD. It's all new so I hear something new each time I listen. She is a worshiper and it's soooo great to listen to her exalt the King of Kings.

I finally got up, opened up the shades and let the sunshine stream in the windows - I love that. I also turned up the heat because it was freezing in here. There was frost on the Tahoe windshield brrrr. I had a nice leisurely quiet time then dinked around and finally got dressed and headed outside. 

It had warmed up nicely outside and yes I had already turned off the furnace. I got some plants moved, a couple of volunteer trees cut down and did a little bit of weeding and just enjoying the out of doors. I knew I needed to keep and eye on the time because Liz would be coming for lunch.

I had a great Mother's Day. On Saturday my brother Don and his wife Connie, Eunice, Veronica's mom, Tricia, Mom and Dad all met together at Ron and Veronica's for dinner. We had a really nice afternoon. Lots of laughing, talking and of course eating.  It was a really good day. My morning started out by sleeping in a little, a nice quiet time then getting a text that Hannah had a track meet. It was so windy! and the wind was COLD. Hannah did a great job on her heat of the 400 I loved how she bucked it up and gave it all she had.

Sunday I was so tired, stayed up way late because of weird things going on in the neighborhood. I have come to the conclusion, I watch too much news anyways I was up late being the neighborhood watcher and waiting for Andy to come home from work.

I told my Sunday School class that after this month I would no longer be teaching them after this month which was met with groans and whys - refreshing to hear let me tell ya. I told them I needed the break and I did not know who would be taking over.

The slide show for Mother's Day brought the tears when I saw both my Grandmothers. They have both been gone for many years but it still brought the tears. There was a picture of me with my kids and that one brought them too. It was taken right after Doug had died, brought back so many memories  It was a good service.

Went to Genghis Grill with Michael, JoAnna and Hannah and had a nice lunch plus reward points whoop! Came home and had Brian come over to start my mower. Robbyn Xan and Alyssa came as well it was so nice to see them for a minute. Robbyn brought me a beautiful plant, one I have never had before, a Persian Shield  purplish leaves it's lovely! now sitting on my porch in the little chair planter that Doug gave me all those years ago.

I got the lawn mowed thanks to Brian getting my mower started, did a bit of weeding, very little, and got a few plants moved, came in the house and took a shower and waited for Ash and Holly to stop and get the Wii U so nice to see Holly! Then I waited and napped a bit watching Finding Nemo waiting for Matt and the boys who were taking me out to dinner.

I had a really nice time with Matt, Asa and Colton. We went to Perkins - my choice and both boys sat by me that was nice. Had a nice visit with them and a good meal. Colton wanted to know where was his beverage! Wow that was hilarious! 

They dropped me back off at home and I put on my pajamas and watched the Vow liking it way more this time than when I had seen it before. Then watched the end of Restaurant Impossible then went to bed.

Thank you, Father for the blessings You continue to pour out on me!

Hahahahahaha I am just totally kidding! She said it took her a couple of days to come up with her list for her birthday, it would probably take me a lot longer! 

Monday morning how I love you! I got to sleep in today till after 7 when my Mom texted and said they were in Kansas! Originally they were going to leave Az today but they left yesterday instead  so they will be home tonight. I am so excited to have them back here!!!!!

Saturday at His Women was amazing! I have been going through a really dry time and have been asking God for refreshing and a new love for Him well He showed up in a BIG way on Saturday and answered my prayers! I sat and cried through most of the morning and early afternoon, tears of gratitude and praise. He really spoke to my heart with so many things I have been wondering about or struggling with. He is awesome like that. I feel alive again which may sound strange but I know in whom I have believed and I know one day He will stand upon this earth!

Tonight is our last Emmaus Bible Study with Mr Glock. I love these studies so much and I really know the Bible has more connected dots for me since I have been doing these studies, I just love how God sees His Word as one cohesive work and not just a bunch of books in one cover. All of the Word points to Jesus, either points ahead or points back. We have been studying the minor Prophets, minor only because they are shorter has nothing to do with importance. 

I will be giving up my Sunday School teaching at the end of this unit. I am not sure what I will do if I will join the women or the 'Adult' class upstairs. I don't want to get out of the habit of going to Sunday School and am thinking the later may be a good choice for now.

I know too, that The Lord is bringing about changes in my life, even though nothing is really clear. I just know He is the One leading and I am the one following. He has a plan, and it's a good one Life is interesting and never dull - well there are moments ha! 

I know I am to teach a new song, it goes right along with our Simply Jesus theme for retreat and being desperate for Him, I will need someone who plays guitar to help, and I am pretty sure she will be up for the assignment.

I need to get some laundry started . . . then take a shower I would like to work out in the yard today but not sure that will happen if I don't get out of this chair and make some progress toward getting dressed.

everything You are is everything I need, Jesus

everything You are is good

everything You are is everything I need, Jesus

everything you are is so good

This week has literally flown by! I am so loving the sunshine in the mornings this gal has needed the sunshine to lift my spirits for sure especially after all the downer, awful events of last week, the bombing, in Boston, the explosion in Texas, letters with poison to the president, charges against a disgruntled co worker of the people shot in Texas  another member of our congregation stepping into eternity another friend lost her husband . . .  so I am happy last week is over and this week is taking me farther away from all of that sadness.

My folks will be home next week and I am thrilled! It feels like so long since I have seen them. They have both been sick with colds so not happy about them having to do all they have to do to prepare to leave Az not feeling great but happy that at least the weather is starting to warm up. They will be freezing when they get here being used to 90 degree weather oh well they know how to stay warm. They are ready to be home that's for sure.

Pastor Phil sent out an email that he was going to do 'coffee with Pastor' at the church last night and work on stacking wood. My plan was to skip out on W;nk and help with that. So that's what I did. I thought I would be sore today but thankfully I am not, there was a lot of wood moved last night and lots of people working hard on the outdoor sanctuary site. It was fun to be a part of this group, to get to talk to a couple of the women I barely know - just makes me remember everyone has a lot going on in their lives. 

my chiming clock has lost it's chime, it still keeps time just no chime 

Cynthia posted on Facebook she felt like baking, thanks a lot Cynthia! I just had to bake some cinnamon rolls today - heating the oven now so I can bake them. Let's hope I don't eat all of them before bed.

One more day of working a double shift tomorrow. the best part is I get to work with Sheila on popcorn Friday. I hope I get to see my little buddy Owen since I didn't have him in child watch this week. I saw him on Tuesday but usually have him in CW he is so sweet and squishy like Amy says.

Came home and took a little nap on the couch, never long enough but little is better than nothing I guess. Project Runway Finale is tonight, sad that it will be over but Top Chef should be starting up again soon.

Meeting up tomorrow evening with a friend for coffee, then Saturday is His Women and some time with Marlys  so looking forward to that! Sunday will be church, Gary and Diana's renewal of wedding vows,   then a Kernels game in the afternoon with Biz and Len.

I spent the afternoon with Hannah yesterday, it was half day. We walked to DQ then watched Finding Nemo we both love that movie. Too soon her mom was here to get her. I sure do miss the kids at times.

after all You are constant

after all You are only good

after all You are soverin

not for a moment did You forsake me

not for a moment will You forsake me

here it is Sunday night, I have not blogged for over a week, not much happens yet a lot goes on

Thursday night was Hannah's program at McKinley followed by a trip to DQ with Sheila Jillian and Isaac

Friday night was spent at Throttle Down in Tiffin where I witnessed Liz take first place in Karoke Idol winning a trip to Cancun Ben won 4th place, $60.00 cash and two beer coozies I am always blown away by their voices, if they had sung together they would have blown the roof off the place

Saturday Michael came over and worked on my shower and fixed it hooray! It's a long story and I don't feel like getting into it now but suffice it to say I have a good working shower now.

Sunday School this morning was good, the kids were pretty good, it's hard to keep them from just blurting out and not raise their hands but they want to talk so that's good, Even Emily N who is the youngest in the class raised her hand and answered today and totally made my morning.

Guest speaker in Church today was good, with a challenge for us, to trust God and step out in faith, seemed timely to me to hear.

I went to my great nephew's birthday party today, Tyler and Max will be 2 tomorrow how can that be possible? They sure are lively little guys but so sweet. It would be nice to spend time with them, maybe this summer.

A couple of weeks and my folks will be home, I can hardly wait!

heading to bed early, two nights of not sleeping well has me washed out. Marie's funeral tomorrow I told Deb I would help with the dinner. Cake is baked just need to frost it and put my salad together. that will wait till the morning.

Jeremiah  23:29 “Is not my word like fire,” declares the Lord, “and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?

in no particular order

slept in  today till 6:30 seriously? laid in bed till 7:40

picked up another shift at work on Fridays - we will see how that goes. At least I get to work with Sheila

walked two days this past week, hoping to do way more of that. Walking down at the cemetery brings sadness because I miss my little waking buddies

walked downtown yesterday between shifts - so strange to walk on first ave bridge and think about how high the water was during the flood

watched two hawkeye basketball games, one really exciting and good the other not so much

was introduced to a whole new different world of people's lives at the Y thanks, Amy - not sure I really wanted to know all of that but then again, why am I there? to let my light shine

Enjoyed a great Easter with the family on Saturday last week. I sure do love all you hooliams!

spent Easter Sunday morning at church, early service, breakfast then W;nk program during the second service. Kids did a great job then home to sit on the couch and watch Undercover boss 

praying a lot for Marie, Marlys and Dale, Julie and Joe, and Norma hard to watch these dear ones go though difficult things, so thankful to know God is in control!

need to go pick up my taxes and Goodwill fashion show this evening

 . . . in between the horror and sadness of Good Friday and the glorious hope of Resurrection Sunday. That is what today is. We have the luxury of knowing the whole story of Jesus's death and ressurection, but the disciples and earliest followers of Jesus only knew of His horrific death on the cross and the grief, shock,shame and unbelief of what they had seen and witnessed. Even though Jesus had told them again and again that He would have to suffer at the hands of sinful men and die, He would rise again. . . still they did not fully comprehend what He had been telling them.

I can only imagine their state of mind. The grief must have been overwhelming, suffocating,deep and plain awful. All their hopes were dashed, their good friend and leader who was afraid of nothing, always full of faith in The Living God and always turning their thoughts to the Kingdom and to God was dead after He had suffered in such a horrific way right before their very eyes and I am sure they each one wondered would I be next?  How did they endure the hours after the cross and before the sunrise on the third day?

I am thankful today, this day of 'in between' for having the whole story! 

I Corinthians 15:55 O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?

slept in till 8:15

read my Bible while the kids chattered across the table

learned that Liz won $50 in the Karaoke Idol contest and moves on to the next round

tax appointment at noon

Lincoln this evening at the Collins Road theaters with my sister

peace and really quiet in my house after a crazy week 

wonderful night of worship and love reflecting on what Jesus did for us at Calvary with the group of long time friends

stopped by the Hy-Vee on the way to Johnson's, June and I had extra time since Drew was picking up Joanne to take her to visit Mayola and ran into Denise F. It was so great seeing her and hearing the updates on the family that Joanne can no longer tell us. God is good

did I mention is't quiet? 

Tomorrow my baby girl turns 31 where did the time go? wasn't I just 31? yeah when she turned a year old! My o my the time flies by

work today was fine, a little crazy at first we had 13 kids early, I think they had all the toy bins out and all over the floor, The kids were really good about picking up however they were all pretty good today too. Benjamin was so funny, he always has to nap right on the rug in the middle of the room with all the hooliums all around him! I always try to sit/be close to protect him because the kids don't look out ya know.

It was so nice to work with Kim and get caught up on life and what's been going on. Her mom just had hip replacement surgery so we have not talked in a couple of weeks except for texting. So it was great to see her and get caught up on all that's been going on with us and all the drama that's been going on at work that she has missed out on. Next week Amy fly's to Arizona with her family for spring break, lucky duck! Spring break here means crazy at work - it's only 5 days I can do 5 days and part days at that!

Sitting last night watching the kids practicing for the Easter program. I was so moved when they were singing Truth of God's Word in their innocent voices and the actions Sheila has taught them. It was a neat time for me. Sheila asked me if I wanted to do the Children's minute this week . . . just went and found a book I bought some time ago that goes along with the Resurrection eggs . . . so I need to look at that and see if it's something I want to do or not.

Sitting here listening to a new Robin Mark CD that I have never heard like visiting with an old friend! 

Iowa game tonight, movie and a play tomorrow night then the weekend whoo hoo!

"Jesus is the yes to every promise of God." — William Barclay