What a great time at Randy's for the baptisms today. Such a joy to be a part of all of that and to see the faces of the people who were baptised it was great. Good food, great fellowship so glad I went. There was a good turn out for it too.

VBS program this morning went so well, I was a little sad that Asa, Alyssa and Xander were not there, but happy for the kids that came. They did a great job so nice to be a part of another VBS. Looking forward to learning more about the new Wed program for the kids

I had a moment coming home tonight, driving old familiar roads, missing Doug . . . funny how those waves come

Working a shift for Hansen tomorrow eve in child watch 

My folks will be traveling to a funeral tomorrow in Oelwein, my cousin Donna's son Brian, left a young wife and baby then a friend of theirs from here who also wintered in AZ passed away last night

Had a fun time at Asa's birthday party yesterday, watching Matt and his friends and their children, you can tell they spend a lot of time together and really care for each other. it was nice to see that. They have all been good friends since high school - rare I know but it was nice. Andy and Colin came it was fun to have them there as well. The kids enjoyed bowling Asa got a new bike

VBS was good, but this gal was tuckered out each evening then had trouble going to bed. Hannah has basketball camp all week so I can sleep in in the morning

think I will head to bed and read, really enjoying the book God's Chronicles of the Kings or something like that.

today - Saturday I got up around 9 am so nice to sleep - I went to bed last night at 9:30 pm so almost 12 hours of sleep whoop! but I have felt out of it all day long. Woke up from another dream about Doug, strange how the mind works.

I sat around most of the day then finally got dressed and went to Walmart and Aldi came home and made some chicken and noodles then sat around some more, writing this then heading to bed.

Friday - got up at 7 to watch Jesse Duplantis on TBN I used to watch him every Friday morning till I started working, then got my day started with quiet time. I decided I was not going to go to the pool, just too many days there. Liz and Ben came for lunch it was nice to see them and catch up again. I got a text from Matt asking if I was still planning on pooling it up. I had texted him earlier in the week telling him I was planning on going to the pool on Friday. So I picked up Xan and Alyssa and we headed over there. We hadn't been there very long when lo and behold here comes Hannah and JoAnna. What a nice surprise to see them! Hannah had just gotten  home from camp and I didn't think they were going to come swimming I was sure glad they did. Soon Matt and the boys were there too, The kids had a great time. So nice to see JoAnna swimming with Hannah and Matt with his boys. I finally got in the water and swam with Colton that made my day. After the pool Alyssa and Xandre wanted to go see Hannah's new room so we did, then I took them home and came on home myself. Took a shower and layed around till I went to bed at 9:30 I was beat!

Thursday - day off whoop! I got the lawn mowed, some things done outside that I had wanted to get done then went to the pool for the afternoon with the Valley kids. I dropped the kids off at home and Brian gave me a bag and said Happy Birthday. In it was a insulated coffee cup (with coffee to come yippee!) and a purple and pinkish jellyfish chime so pretty! I hung it in my kitchen! Robbyn said there was a Jellyfish exhibit at Shedd Aquarium.  JoAnna had texted earlier in the day asking if I wanted to come for supper and help her finish Hannah's room, so after the pool I took the kids home, came home and changed into my work clothes and went and helped JoAnna - what fun, but boy was this girl tired!

Wednesday - last day of work for the week. Pretty easy one in child watch too. Fun with Amy it was her 20th wedding anniversary and she decided to drink cayenne pepper and lemon juice in water - oh that girl! It was for some kind of cleansing or something. I told her she would probably self combust and disintegrate right before my eyes. We had several good laughs about that, she ended up pouring it down the sink. I told her wow look how clean the sink is hee hee! She's great. Hannah turned 10 at camp, I can't believe she is that old. Krysten's baby shower was at Carlos, so nice to see the family and a friend of Krysten's from high school, Taylor . . . learned baby's name will be Dylan James (Dylan like Bob Dylan)

Tuesday - swim meet at work so it was chaos and nuts but a good day. The weather has been beautiful then to have it pour down rain during the morning was nice, we needed the rain but the lightning kept putting the swim meet on hold. sheesh! I got a text from Sheila asking if I wanted to stop by after work I said yes and asked her to make some coffee. I got a nice note and another cd from Sheila. Ash gave me a coffee mug with the Space Needle on it and I got to see her pictures from vacation Spent a lazy afternoon here then went to prayer and was so blessed, I did not want to go, I was tired and weary but so blessed to have the time with Dale, Marlys and Jerry. We did some singing too, it was a great night. I stopped by JoAnna's to see the room she second coated the green - it looked great.

Monday - my birthday . . . I got to sleep in till 6 had my quiet time, then had to run to Brian and Robbyn's house to let Sam out. Then headed to Mantz's to get started painting the purple in Hannah's room! It went quick and I was happy to be painting (really makes me want to paint here . . .) we took a break between coats and went to the ReStore only to find it closed poo then Jo and I ran to the fabric store. I went home at lunch time because Liz was coming for lunch. Then headed to the pool by myself, then home to get ready to go see Superman Man of Steel with Liz, Ben and Andy. I liked it a lot. Then to Target to get a gift for Krysten's baby. Kind of a late night but that was ok. Got a text from Ash earlier in the evening giving me a heads up about the swim meet on Tuesday morning. I had a nice quiet birthday kinda weird to spend so much of it alone but that's part of my life now.

Sunday - Marlys handed me a bag and told me happy birthday she thought it was the day before when I told her no it's tomorrow she said well good you get your present early. She gave me a new purple glasses case and a little framed print of an old country church, which reminded me of Joshua and Angela - I am going to use that as a reminder to pray for them. Anita handed me a bag too and inside was a purple coffee mug with Faith printed on the outside and Philippians 4:13 do you know what that verse is?

Ok that's enough catching up I am super tired and need to go to bed. Thank you for reading clear till the end 

 

I had a great fourth of July - with all the emotions and missing Doug so much I was kind of dreading the fourth (the eighth the tenth) anyways . . .

I got to sleep in yeah, I already told this part

Tricia and I met up at the pool and layed in the shallow part of the water or on a chair and talked and talked at least I did. I told her about the strange dream that woke me up on the 4th and how it was as if a cloud descended on me as I got up.  I got way too hot and had to get  in the water, it was a little cool but nice. I got back out and asked Tricia if she wanted to go sit in the shallow end again, she was itchy and had red splotches all over her legs and arms. She said yes so we went over to the shallow end. We had just gotten in the water when she said, I don't think I can sit here any more, I wanted to stay all afternoon but I just cant. I told her that was fine by me and it was ok to leave, no fun to be miserable! So we left the pool, she asked if I wanted to go up to Mom and Dad's ( so she could work on Mom's computer - a gift from my brother - I said sure so we went up there and  had a great visit for about an hour.

We had planned on coming back to my house to eat, but I asked if she wanted to stop and change at her house. She thought that was a great idea and when we got there I told her if she wanted to take a bath I was ok, because I wanted to watch the news so she took a bath and I sat down to watch the news, slept through part of it I think then watched the rest. When she was finished the news was over and we headed to my house. I took a shower, then we ate and JoAnna called to make plans for watching the fireworks.

We decided to meet at 7:30 and head downtown - since we never heard back from Sheila we felt weird about just going over to her house so we parked at McKinley and walked downtown. Tricia had given us some freedom festival buttons so we headed for the bridge to see if we could find Thatchers, Elams and Tim K. It was quiet a walk but a good one, I was hot because I didn't want to get cold so dressed warmer and had on socks and shoes so my feet and legs wouldn't hurt from wearing flip flops. 

The closer we got to down town the more and more people we saw but when we got on the bridge there was not a lot of people, kinda strange but well ok! we were to city hall and no Janet so I was trying to text her when JoAnna said there is Janet! sure enough Alan and Janet were taking Daniel for a walk to keep him entertained. They told us where they were sitting so we went down there and got such a great greeting from Tim, Jacob and Rachel - Daniel was being a little shy but seemed glad to have us join the circle anyway. Tim and Hannah went to Tim's car to get another chair for Hannah, JoAnna and her were going to share a lounger & I had a chair of theirs but it didn't have a safety pin on it so I knew it wasn't Janet's Soon Tim and Hannah were back and when Tim saw JoAnna reclining he said he wished he could put his feet up! Well that started a "holding your feet off the ground" challenge between Hannah and Tim and if Hannah won Tim was going to buy her cotton candy. Well, Hannah won and when they went off to find the cotton candy JoAnna and I followed, so we could people watch. At one point JoAnna said to me, 'that person just looked to see if I was wearing heels - it's fun to be tall!' There were huge 'hamster rolling balls' in a pool of water that people could get into and move around, a Ferris wheel (with a line about a mile long) some type of bungee jumping thing that really looked fun . . . I don't remember what else for 'rides' tons of vendors with very long lines. I had mentioned to Jo that it is always so strange to me in a crowd I don't see anyone I know and no sooner had the words come out of my mouth Tom Asby was standing there talking to someone. ha!

We got back to our spot and had a good time talking with the group, catching up with each other, spotting luminaries like from Tangled and I asked Jacob to look online to see how long they would burn, he could't find out but had fun looking just the same. 

Daniel was being so cute going from one person to the next, trying to escape the circle ha! and just being so cute. There was a mom, a grandma, and two little girls who came and sat right by us on the sidewalk for the fireworks. The little girl was so cute! Her name was Ava and just so friendly and talkative for someone 2 years old. She made herself right at home with us and introduced me to her bunny who her mom said was once lost in a spook house and they had to  go back and look for it! The place had to shut down so she could go back in to find the bunny because Ava was not going to let that bunny be lost! She would hear the sound of fireworks from the ball park and say, I missed it and hold up her little hand, it was so cute! 

Well, when the street lights went out Ava climbed up in my lap she had been up and down on my lap a few times but when we were getting ready for the fireworks to start she wanted up there. When the music started and the first ones went up she got really stiff and covered her eyes with her twisted balloon princess. The poor little thing was really scared and not liking it at all. I kept saying oh how pretty how cool all the while trying to help sooth her and remembered when Andy was little (and Holly) holding my hands over their ears to muffle the loud sounds. So I put my hand over Ava's ears and after a while she started to relax and she would peek from behind her balloon princess, I think she may have watched through the balloons but I couldn't see her face. At one point I moved my right hand to say something to her and she pulled my hand back over her ear we sat that way through the rest of the fireworks, enjoying the great show Cedar Rapids put on, thankful to be on the bridge so see it so well and happy to be sitting with my new little friend Ava. About half way through the fireworks display the older sister and grandma came back and the mom said when asked where Ava was, she is with her new gramma ha! they thought that was pretty funny. Ava and her sister shared some cotton candy all the while sitting with me with my hands over her ears. It was neat so sit and hold this little person, to pray blessings over her and to help her be calm during the scary part of the celebration.

When the show was over Ava's mom took her from me and thanked me for being so kind and patient holding Ava. She said she usually sat with her daddy but he was in Afghanistan, oh my heart, I had tears in my eyes and was so choked up I could hardly talk. But I did manage to tell her "thank you" for her sacrifice of her husband over there. What a blessing to me!!!!!

I prayed for Ava this morning, and will pray for her and her mom and dad when I think of her, I was blessed to be used by God in such an innocent way on the 2nd ave bridge on the 4th of July. It was more healing for this heart. What a wonderful God we serve. 

I got to sleep in till almost 9 thanks to ear plugs and a sleep mask. I woke up from a very strange and upsetting dream that started again the missing and sadness. Not sure why I am asking for clarity if He wants to give it. With my birthday looming this year has been very difficult. Having the distraction of work has really helped but having the day off with no plans other than the pool later  there was nothing to keep my mind from going there today evidently.

Johnson's last night was so good. Great food and tons of it. Wonderful fellowship with dear, dear friends of many years, time with Joanne . . .tomorrow is the anniversary of Jim's death so another missing wave there. There is a gentleman fairly new to our group, a newbie of prolly 10 years or so who lost his wife '7 months and 17 days ago' he said to me. We talked quite a long time and he shared part of his story with me (you do know everybody has a story, right?) I was blessed to be able to listen and was amazed at how The Lord showed up in such a mighty way at Myrna's passing. I was sad to not have been able to attend her funeral, it was a beautiful tribute to Jesus I was told. Amazed at Gene's story and filled with sadness for him because he is so early in his journey and grief right now is his constant companion but thrilled with his knowledge of where Myrna is and that one day he will see her again!

Another beautiful day today to spend at the pool, tonight the fireworks downtown late night and early morning but that's ok because it's only one day a year we celebrate the 4th!

I am choosing life today!

What a joy to wake up to sunshine and nothing pressing this morning

working yesterday was l o n g and rather boring - I did get the computer screen to come on however. It was fun working with Taylor and I got to meet Josh, that guy can SING!!!!! 

been in movie mode since Liz brought over some movies

saw Epic in 3D with Tricia on Saturday

Friday night was Kernels game

Thursday night Mom and Dad came over and we played carda then I went to bed early

Wednesday day at the pool and Croods with Alexandre, Alyssa, Hannah & Tricia

Sat night I watched Inception - strange movie, I had to turn on closed captioning - I want to watch it again. A little hard to follow

Sunday night I watched Catch Me if You Can - I liked it a lot - based on a true story - Tom Hanks plays a strange character

Hannah and I are heading out for a walk soon - lovely day - I have to go in to work at 2 today till 6 last shift for Ash.

I worked the front desk today and we were busy! Thats not all, there was also a swim meet - sheesh! talk about nuts. I was so glad to leave there, so much noise and so much chaos! I worked front desk last night for Ash (and again this afternoon) anyways, on my way in to work the sirens go off! I get there and all the members and guests are in the locker rooms and all the staff is behind the desk, talk about nuts! sheesh that lasted about 40 minutes then the rest of the time was just normal, thank goodness

Today I came home from work, grabbed a bite to eat and went out to check the spark plug on my mower. Got it out, nail filed it and put it back in and voile! I got the lawn mowed, it's been two weeks and needed it bad!

I think this afternoon will be a lazy one for me and Hannah, she went to Wash open gym with Alyssa O and had a 3 on 3 game that I heard her team beat a 5th grade team! whoot! I am sure she will be ready for an easy afternoon

another week has passed, another year has too Andy is 23 today seems like forever and yesterday all at the same time. I woke up crying from a dream - missing Doug today a lot! I want to think he should be here, he is missing out on so much, and then I realize he is not missing anything at all, I am the one doing the missing and wishing things were different and yet . . .

rain this morning, nice quiet house, oven heating so I can bake a cake it's a good day!

Thankful to be God's child and that I don't have to explain things to Him because He understands  me better than I understand my self. Thankful that He is God of the living the Bible says and that He is eternal and never changes - choosing to look at the positives today

it's Andy's birthday

family will come later for his party

it's rained and now it's starting to clear off

not a work day

Jesus is King and He reigns

I am alive and I know I am loved by my Father in Heaven who guides my steps

I am choosing life today

lazy morning got to sleep in till 7:30 whoot!

Father's Day tomorrow - missing Doug today

I feel like my life is starting to change back into one life instead of two separate ones

I may go for a walk, clean my room, clean the house, I just know I will not be going to the pool or laying out

fun time at the bonfire with the group from Valley View, and my lovely sister Tricia  last night

I got a text after 10pm from a co worker asking if I could take her shift this morning at 8  -fat chance!

had a great time at the pool yesterday with Matt, Hannah, Asa, Colton, Xandre, and Alyssa we stayed till it closed at 5 and still the kids wanted to stay longer!

I did an online training at work yesterday - while I got to work with Ashleigh - I got a 90% not too bad. Kay said I could take it again, I just might because what I messed up on is what I heed to help me with my job

I am loving the Kim Walker-Smith worship music!!!

Worked my shift Thursday in child watch then again Thursday night to cover for Hansen will work her Monday night shift too.

 

"If our faith is not relevant to our daily life in the world and in the parish, then it is no use; and if we cannot be Christians in our work, in the neighborhood, in our political decisions, then we had better stop being Christians. A piety reserved for Sundays is no message for this age." — Douglas Rhymes

this is my hearts prayer tonight - in a song

 

I used to wish that I could rewrite history

I used to dream that each mistake could be erased 

then I could just pretend I never knew the me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away

hide all the evidence of who I've been

but it's the memory of the place You brought me from

that keeps me on my knees . . . and even though I'm free

          heal the wound but leave the scar

          a reminder of how merciful You are

          I am broken, torn apart 

          take the pieces of this heart

          heal the wound but leave the scar

 I have not lived a life that boasts of anything

and I don't take pride in what I bring

but I'll build an alter with the rubble that You found me in

and every stone will sing of what You can redeem

 

          heal the wound but leave the scar

          a reminder of how merciful You are

          I am broken, torn apart 

          take the pieces of this heart

          heal the wound but leave the scar

 

don't let me forget everything You've done for me

don't let me forget the beauty in the suffering

                        ~ Nicole Nordeman

Tomorrow is Ashleigh's graduation party and I am excited

I am really happy this week is behind me too. It's been a crazy week with the holiday, Dad being in the hospital and now being home - oh his glasses were in Mom's purse! He told her to check to see if there was an upper plate in there too ha! Having the boys over night and during the day on Monday, Wednesday night our last session of W;nk and our year end party which went really well Thursday in child watch Kim and I had 40 kids! a record for both of us. I was full at 9:10 with only being allowed 10 kids by myself (unlike Rachel who with no help can have a bazillion!) I called the front desk and got Cindy asked her for help and she said no one was there they were all at Marion for the shutdown. I knew Kim would be coming but that was another 10 or 15 minutes. One of the Mom's, Liz was just going to stay and help me, she does child watch at Marion - that was why we had so many, they were coming from Marion. About a minute later in walks Julie who works upstairs, to help me till Kim came so Liz could go to her class. Whew. It was nice chatting a bit with Julie and she took right to the kids, but I could tell when she left she was glad she didn't have to be there the whole time.

We closed child watch two separate times because we had reached our limit! On top of that we had 2 or 3 crying babies (I think I blocked it out)  that Kim carried to the parents because they were just not having it and we have a 10 minute cry rule even though it was more like 20 minutes because we really do try to get them settled. I would be nuts if we didn't have that. You feel so bad for this little traumatized person and you can tell when you try everything you can think of to get them to stop crying and have fun and nothing works!!?! I was glad to see that shift end. 

I came home and mowed the lawn hoping to beat the rain, which I was successful thank You, Jesus. Came in and took a shower and got ready to go back into work. I was covering a shift for Layloni. It went good, and I was able to leave at 7:30 so stopped by the store and then came on home whew Early shift this morning now nothing till Tuesday work wise.

Dealing with lots of old emotions this week too with a reminder of a lost love many years ago, that has been very strange to relive and deal with all over again. Life is very interesting as I always say. I am so thankful that Jesus NEVER changes and His promise is to never forsake me. Thank you Jesus for that!

Enjoy the weekend as we keep a close eye on the Cedar!